Always
by roguewriter729
Summary: A fight with Sirius leads to a very bad full moon for Remus. . .
1. Chapter 1

This is my first attempt at fan fiction, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! I am a big Harry Potter fan, but sadly, all of the characters below belong to J K Rowling. Hopefully, I'll update with chapter 2 shortly. . .

Chapter 1

Remus J. Lupin stepped out of Herbology and into the cold afternoon air. It wasn't that he was avoiding his best friends, he reflected – but in fact, that is exactly what he was doing. Remus sighed heavily, pulling his cloak tighter around his body, and remembered Sirius' pleading looks from across the classroom.

"Great, now I feel even worse," he muttered to himself as he trudged through the knee-deep snow.

As if to prove him right, the world suddenly tilted and Remus was forced to grab hold of a tree in order to keep from pitching face-first onto the ground. Pressing his burning forehead against the bark, his mind traveled back to the events of the previous evening. . .

"I'll see you guys in a few days!" Peter called as he walked out of the school's main entrance.

James, Sirius and Remus, who were standing in the doorway, waved at their retreating friend. It was about 7:00 pm on a Thursday, and the three 4th years had agreed to keep Peter company while he waited for the train. Peter had received news the day before that his aunt had passed away, and was therefore headed to the funeral. He wasn't especially close to her (in point of fact, he had never even spoken to her), but his mother insisted that he be in attendance.

"C'mon, Remmie, let us take you to Madam Pomfrey, OK?" Sirius begged for the umpteenth time as they turned and headed back toward their dorm. Remus had been trying to hide his illness since yesterday, chalking it up to the impending full moon, but Sirius and James weren't fooled. Sirius in particular had taken notice of every cough, shiver and sneeze that passed through Remus' body. He also noticed that his friend's face was becoming paler by the minute.

"I'm fine, Siri, just a little tired," Remus responded, leaning heavily against Sirius' arm as though he couldn't support his own slight weight.

"Well, then you're at least going to sleep," Sirius said decisively, wrapping an arm around Remus' waist to support him as they walked.

James watched the interaction between his two friends with a mixture of amusement and concern. His concern was, of course, for Remus' health. His amusement, on the other hand, came from seeing Sirius' mother-hen instincts come out full force. Sirius Black, playboy extraordinaire – no one would ever believe he had a soft side. Then again, James reflected, his soft side only seemed to surface around Remus. It wasn't that Sirius didn't care about James and Peter, but for some time now James had noticed that Sirius and Remus seemed to have a special bond. James knew he would always be Sirius' best pal, yet there was something different about the way he treated Remus. . .

"Earth to James! Are you going to help me, or stand there looking like an arse all night?"

Sirius' impatient voice snapped James out of his reverie. He suddenly realized they were back in their room, and Sirius was attempting to situate Remus in his bed. Remus, for his part, looked like he was already asleep. James rushed over and helped Sirius arrange the blankets over their friend. Both boys then stood back, slightly perplexed.

"What now?" Sirius said, looking to James for an answer.

"Well, without Peter and Remus, we'll end up getting caught if we try to prank someone tonight. . . I guess we could go down to the common room and study?" James replied after a moment's thought.

"Study! Are you sure you're not coming down with something?" Sirius queried in an agitated tone.

"Come on, Siri, a little studying won't kill you," James said, grabbing Sirius' arm and dragging him toward the stairs.

"It just might," Sirius mumbled mournfully. Then he sighed, "Lead the way, Jamie, lead the way."


	2. Chapter 2

A big thanks to LupinLover99, darknd-wrtr-w/-a-heart-of-gld, and Red Bess Rackham for your wonderful reviews! Here is chapter two, as promised. The third and final chapter should be coming sooner rather than later. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2

Remus blinked rapidly as he stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he had ended up in his bed. After a moment of thought, it all came rushing back – seeing Peter off, feeling very tired as they headed back to the dorm, and hearing snatches of speech from Sirius and James before he drifted off completely. Sighing to himself, Remus glanced at the clock. It was only 10 pm, so he couldn't have been asleep more than a couple of hours. Now that he was awake, though, he was freezing cold.

'The common room has a nice, warm fire,' he reasoned to himself. 'Maybe I'll head down there for a little while.' Gathering a blanket around his shoulders, Remus stood shakily and went to seek out some warmth.

It took a few minutes to get down the stairs, but as he felt the coziness of the common room hit him, Remus knew he wouldn't regret his decision. Then again. . .

"What are you doing up?!" came Sirius' indignant voice from across the room. He and James were huddled in a corner with what appeared to be a Transfiguration textbook sitting between them. Remus struggled not to smile – Sirius doing homework? James had to be behind this strange action.

In a flash, Sirius was by Remus' side, guiding him over to the couch directly in front of the fire. Remus studied his friends as he sat. They both seemed, well, _excited_ over something. 'What are they up to now,' he mused silently. He didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Remmie, we've just discovered something great!" Sirius enthused, glancing over at James for confirmation.

"Siri, maybe we should wait until morning to tell him. . . "

"Oh come on, Jamie, I can't wait another second! This is the answer we've been looking for!"

Remus shifted uneasily. He wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he suddenly had a bad feeling.

Unaware of Remus' discomfort, Sirius plowed on ahead with his usual vigor. "You see, we've been trying for ages to think of a way to help you during the full moon. And here it was, all along, in a schoolbook! There is a whole section on animagi – you know, people who can transform themselves into animals. Since werewolves are only dangerous to humans, we thought. . . "

"NO!"

Both Sirius and James were taken aback by Remus' sudden outburst. Their friend was staring at them in horror from where he was now standing after leaping up abruptly. His small frame shook with a mixture of cold, and, it seemed, anger?

Sirius recovered first, jumping to his feet in order to face Remus and looking quite hurt. "You haven't even heard us out, Remus!"

"I've heard enough," Remus said quietly.

James had to lean forward to catch what he had said. 'I warned Sirius this might happen,' he thought glumly. As excited as he was himself, he knew how Remus felt about becoming a werewolf. And now, with the full moon coming the following evening and Remus being ill on top of that, James reasoned this was not the best time for surprises. Sirius, though, had never been one to listen to reason, especially when he came up with a plan to help one of his friends.

"Enough of what? Enough of us trying to be there for you?" Sirius cried out, his hurt now tinged with anger.

Remus' usual response to anger was withdrawal. Not this time, however. With the wolf so near, and his head clouded with fever and fear, he lashed back out at Sirius.

"Why don't you worry about your own problems for a change, Sirius? How can you know what it's like to be there for someone when your own family was never there for you?"

"At least my family doesn't have to keep me locked in the basement!"

As soon as the words left Sirius' mouth, James froze. He half expected Remus to beat Sirius to a pulp, or to flee the room. Remus' reaction, though, was not what anyone could have expected.

"Maybe you should lock me up, too!" Remus cried out, looking more miserable than James had ever seen him. "You talk about helping me, but inside you know that I'm a monster. You all know that my parents are right to treat me as they do. I don't want your nobility or your righteousness, Sirius. I want you to stop pretending that the wolf wouldn't tear you to pieces if given the chance!"

And with a final look of grief, Remus did turn and flee up the stairs. From the beginning of his outburst, Sirius' jaw had dropped open in shock. All of his anger fled and was replaced with a sickening remorse. He hadn't meant to say such an awful thing to Remus, but he was so angry when Remus just dismissed their hopes of helping him. . .

Sirius was halfway to the stairs when a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned and looked into James' eyes, which seemed to say 'let him go for now.' Sirius hung his head in defeat, but silently vowed to make things right in the morning.

Remus pulled himself off of the tree and continued to plod toward the Whomping Willow as the memory faded. He had managed to avoid Sirius that morning by leaving the dorm early, and had refused to give in to the other boy's pleading looks all day. After their final class in Herbology, he offered to stay and help the professor clean up, leaving Sirius and James no choice but to go back to the castle without him. Now, as the full moon approached, he dragged himself off to his prison hoping only that Sirius would abandon his animagi plan. 'Because if anything happened to him,' Remus thought, 'I could not go on living.'


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you again to everyone who took the time to read and review my story. Here is the third and final chapter.

Pain. The sensation clouded Remus' head and added to his delirium. A coughing fit left him retching onto the floorboards for several moments. Lying back, he attempted to catalogue his injuries. The wolf had been angry at his weakness and had chewed itself mercilessly all night. His left leg was mangled beyond recognition, causing him to look away in horror.

'Must get away, have to get away,' Remus murmured over and over to himself. Slowly, he crawled toward the door and then out into the snow, dragging his useless left limb behind him. As he painfully made his way toward the castle, a trail of red followed in his wake.

Sirius bolted upright in bed, listening carefully. He had tossed and turned all night, unable to get Remus' face out of his head. Just a moment ago, though, he could have sworn he heard a loud thumping noise that pulled him awake completely. Crossing the room silently, he opened the door to the hallway and peered out.

"Oh God, no. . . shit!" Sirius swore in terror as he stared down at Remus' bloody form sprawled out near the door. "James, get out here now!"

James, hearing the urgency in Sirius' voice, jumped out of bed. He, too, hadn't slept well that night. By the time he reached the door, Sirius was cradling Remus' head in his lap and whispering to him that everything would be fine.

"I'll get Madam Pomfrey," James said quickly and took off down the hall without waiting for a response.

Sirius, meanwhile, was numb with shock. There was so much blood and Remus was so hot despite the fact that his tattered clothes were soaked through with icy water. 'He must have _crawled_ here' Sirius realized suddenly. 'This is all my fault. . . I should've tried harder to make things right, I should have realized how sick he was. . . '

Footsteps pounded on the stairs and in seconds, James and a very concerned Madam Pomfrey were standing there.

'James must have run the whole way,' Sirius thought dully as Madam Pomfrey levitated Remus into their room and onto his bed. He and James exchanged mournful looks as the bed curtains were whisked shut. They knew better than to interrupt Madam Pomfrey while she worked. So, both boys perched nervously on the edge of Sirius' bed and waited.

Forty-five minutes later, when Sirius' fidgeting had taken James to the brink of sanity and he was seriously considering knocking his friend senseless, Madam Pomfrey emerged.

"How is he?" Sirius demanded, leaping to his feet.

"Well, Mr. Lupin is very bad off," Madam Pomfrey began, eyeing both boys sternly. "He is extremely ill, and it would seem he had an unfortunate run-in with a. . . a wild animal," she finished hastily. "I've healed what I can of his injuries, but I'm afraid the left leg will take some time to fully mend."

"What happens next? Can we see him?" James queried anxiously.

"I'm not sure Mr. Lupin should be moved, given his condition, so I'm entrusting his well-being to you gentlemen," Madam Pomfrey explained gravely. "I've given him some medication that will help, and I'll be back to check on him later today. If anything occurs, come and get me immediately!"

"Yes, Ma'am," Sirius answered with confidence.

As Madam Pomfrey left, the two boys pulled back the curtains and examined Remus with their own eyes. Their friend looked small and very fragile. His entire leg was covered in bandages, and his cheeks were flushed bright with fever. Sirius moved swiftly to Remus' side and clutched his hand.

"Crap!" James exclaimed suddenly.

"What?"

"I forgot I'm supposed to give a tutoring session on flying today," James replied bitterly.

"Go on, I'll take care of things here," Sirius said reassuringly.

"I won't be gone too long, I promise." James moved swiftly to change and then headed out the door, calling over his shoulder, "Let me know if you need me and I'll be back in a heartbeat!"

After the door closed behind James, Sirius settled down in a chair next to Remus' bed. He needed to be there, he reasoned, in case Remus woke up confused or scared. Studying his friend closely, Sirius realized with a start that Remus was shaking almost imperceptibly. As the minutes ticked on, the shaking grew worse and was accompanied by low whimpering sounds. Sirius felt his heart breaking – what could he do?

Just then, Remus let out a small moan. Sirius made up his mind in an instant. He threw back the blankets and crawled into the bed. Drawing the blankets back over both of them, Sirius reached out and gently moved Remus into his arms, mindful of the bandaged leg. The soaking wet robe was gone, he noted, so Madam Pomfrey must have somehow gotten Remus into the pajamas he was now wearing. Resting his cheek on top of his friend's fair hair, Sirius tried to make Remus feel as warm and safe as he could. After a little while, Remus stopped shaking and seemed to fall into a deep sleep. Lulled by the quiet of the room and the fact that he had slept very little the night before, Sirius also succumbed to sleep. . .

A couple of hours later, Sirius was awakened by an elbow in his ribs. He grunted slightly, causing Remus to freeze.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Remus whispered, looking abashed.

Sirius rubbed his eyes. "It's OK. . . I shouldn't have fallen asleep anyway." Placing a hand on Remus' forehead, he was relieved to find that it was somewhat cooler, although still fairly warm. "You, on the other hand, should still be sleeping."

"I woke up and couldn't get comfortable again," Remus said sheepishly. "My leg is kind of bothering me."

Sirius swore lightly and started to move off of the bed. "Kind of bothering you? In Remus-speak, that means you're in a lot of pain. I'll get some of the medicine Madam Pomfrey left. . . "

"Please don't go! I just. . . I don't want to be alone right now."

The request took Sirius off guard. He had worried that Remus would be uncomfortable at finding Sirius in his bed. Instead, though, he was pleading with him not to get up. In truth, Sirius didn't want to move at all. For reasons he had yet to figure out, holding Remus felt completely right to him.

"Remmie?" Sirius began hesitantly as he shifted back over and wrapped his arms around his friend.

"Yeah?"

The words came out all in a rush. "I'm sorry about yesterday – I didn't mean what I said, I was just angry that you wouldn't let us help you and I wasn't thinking. . . "

"I know," Remus said quietly. "I'm sorry I overreacted. I know you guys just want to help, but sometimes I worry that you don't fully understand what I become. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. I'm also scared of losing my best friends."

"Remus," Sirius began sternly, feeling agonized at his friend's admission, "We will always be there for you. _I'll_ always be there for you. Nothing will ever change that fact."

Sirius pulled Remus closer as his friend's shoulders began to shake with sobs of relief. After a few moments, the tears subsided and Remus said drowsily, "Thank you, Siri. And. . . I'll think about it."

"About what?" Sirius asked, puzzled.

"About the whole animagi thing," Remus responded before resting his head on Sirius' shoulder and falling back to sleep.

Sirius sighed contentedly and closed his eyes. "Don't worry," he murmured, "I'll be here when you wake up."

James closed the door to the room quietly and stepped back, smiling to himself. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but he really wanted to know if Sirius and Remus were patching things up. And, it appeared, everything was back to normal.

Heading for the stairs, James had a great idea. "I haven't tortured Lily at all today. . . I wonder where she's gone off to. . . "

END


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